This story is from the team at thespinoff.co.nz
It’s week three of our favourite reality show, and the Dame is still in charge. Tara Ward power ranks.
Welcome back to Celebrity Treasure Island, where the wind blows cold and the only thing keeping these celebrities warm at night is a sticky blanket of sponsored Tim Tam biscuits.
This week we saw celebrities depart and arrive, and everyone else scramble to secure alliances like their careers depended on it.
Also, we learned that Matt Chisholm’s wife thinks there’s nothing better than a chicken sandwich, and of course, she’s right. Let’s rip into the power rankings.
* Celebrity Treasure Island power rankings, week two: Return of the King – Mike King
* I survived Celebrity Treasure Island
* Celebrity Treasure Island’s Lynette Forday says ‘I never fit in and I never felt enough’
Sent home: Mike King
He teased it last week, but on Monday it came true: Mike King has left the building.
Mike was a hurricane of chaos from the moment he arrived on CTI, and even his departure was controversial.
Was this goodbye real, or just another orchestrated twist in his road to CTI glory? Mike left, daughter Alex cried buckets, and the rest of us are still stunned it ever happened.
Sent home: Iyia Liu
She killed a crab on national television, and then her work was done.
Iyia was beaten by Karen in a puzzling elimination challenge that took so long Matt Chisholm had to give out hints.
Goodbye, sweet Iyia, neither the crab nor the nation will forget you.
Sent home: Alex King
Alex’s departure from CTI proves you can have alliances coming out your ears, but they’re no use if you can’t build a tower with your feet.
An emotional Alex rallied after her father’s departure, and was becoming a powerhouse in the game until Susan put her up in the elimination challenge.
Put your hands together, put your feet together, gone too soon.
14) Dr Joel Rindelaub
It may have been the good doctor’s birthday, but nobody in Kauri wanted to give Joel the gift of an alliance, and his attempts to throw a challenge saw him pop up on Susan’s elimination radar.
Joel donned a dress to lighten the mood, but sadly, what might work in the lab doesn’t always work on the beach.
13) Jesse Tuke
Confirmed his alliance with Dylan, which means he’s in a sort-of alliance with Ron, because Dylan said he’d lose the endurance challenge to Ron as long as Dylan could give Ron his fishing gear, or something.
Thank goodness Jesse’s zinc game is strong.
12) Siobhan Marshall
Siobhan is too pure for this game, and I hope she never leaves it.
She set up an alliance with Elvis and Cam, then squirmed uncomfortably when Joel tried to do the same with her. An angel with Tim Tams for wings.
11) Te Kohe Tuhaka
A quiet week for TK, who appeared to spend it reading a…book? On a…deserted island? Like this is some kind of…holiday?
12) Cassie Roma
A similarly low-key week for Cassie, who became Mangō captain when Mike left.
Oh captain, my captain, may we all stay as calm as Cassie did when she saw possum poo on her teammate’s bed.
11) Lynette Forday
Ate an apple, f….. everyone off. It’s the same sort of chaos that went down in the Garden of Eden, and look what happened there.
Also, Lynette casually mentioned that she walks for “a good six hours” every day. Sorry, what? Fruit has a lot of explaining to do.
10) Elvis Lopeti
Loves his steak well done, loves his CTI well done. Just a legend (Elvis) giving another legend (Tim Tam) the respect it deserves.
9) Karen O’Leary
An absolute roller-coaster of a week for Karen, who survived the tensions of Kuaka only to be put up for elimination.
With her team getting smaller by the day, Karen’s only hope is to align with Susan, but the Dame is suspicious.
“Why now?” Susan asked, probably thinking of all the Tim Tams Kauri just won. Meanwhile, Karen cried on the beach and then thought she might wee her pants in the challenge. So many fluids, so many emotions.
8) Dylan Schmidt
Some weeks you’re an Olympian, others you’re a human log washing up on life’s gritty shore.
Dylan should be higher on the rankings but sadly couldn’t make his power plays work, possibly because he spent too long rolling in the surf like a disoriented mannequin.
Dylan cut a deal with Ron for food and protection, but somehow ended up giving Ron all his fishing gear instead.
Ron Cribb would never pretend to be a human log, and maybe that’s the lesson here. At least Dylan got to bounce on a trampoline this week.
7) Courtenay Louise
Courtenay started the day with possum poo on the bed, and ended it by winning a clue that apparently gives her more power than an All Black with a fishing rod.
That’s CTI in a nutshell: highs and lows, ins and outs, Tims and Tams.
6) Perlina Lau
It was a stare that could change the game. Perlina wanted to alert Susan Devoy to an incoming secret message about a possible alliance, and even though she mouthed the word “note” at Susan, some things can only be transmitted by eyeballs.
The note was coming whether Susan was ready or not, and Perlina stared with such power and intensity that she bored her laser eyes straight into Dame Susan’s soul.
The handwritten note from Karen and Perlina proposed an alliance with Susan to keep them in the game.
Is this what the bishop was planning when he dropped that paper at the Queen’s funeral? Did he also want to set up an alliance with the King? Makes you think.
5) Shimpal Lelisi
So far Shimpal has flown under the radar, but this week it was revealed “Shim Shady” was enjoying secret dawn meetings with Suzy D.
She gives him Tim Tams and won’t put him up for elimination, he gives her filleted fish. Seems a fair swap.
4) Cam Mansel
Cam’s power is growing like a tower of blocks built by using your feet as hands, but he had the “best day of his life” when Team Kauri won thousands of packets of Tim Tams.
Cim Cam loves a Tim Tam, and we love seeing these celebrity faces when they have to hiff a coconut onto a trampoline.
3) Melodie Robinson
Melodie had some explaining to do after old pal Mike King exposed her secret alliance to the entire cast, but what’s a bit of lying and sneakery between friends?
It’s not like she tried to pass Susan Devoy a NOTE with her eyeballs.
2) Ron Cribb
He’s only been here a week, but already Ron is winning challenges, providing food and restoring hope to his team.
He was voted captain almost immediately and he can pick up an M&M with a straw. Is there nothing Rob Cribb can’t do? IS THERE?!?
1) Dame Susan Devoy
I’m too scared to put her anywhere else.