A Hilariously Awkward Way to See London? Pose for a Personal Photo Shoot

As I wobbled down those storied stairs last October, not one Londoner cheered me on. Even more curious: In the resulting photos, I look convincingly upright.

I’d decided to spend an hour of my holiday in this masochistic manner after discovering that

Airbnb

Experiences, part of the vacation-rental empire, lets tourists hire local photographers to arrange a guided-tour-meets-portrait-shoot in over 360 destinations from Paris to Chefchaouen. In the first three quarters of 2022, Airbnb reports, such excursions—a popular way for visitors to secure top-notch shots for Instagram, LinkedIn, personal websites or dating apps—drew more takers than its yoga and winery-tour “experiences.”

Choosing my guide/shutterbug—Hadi Yazdani, an Iranian-born ex-war photographer who’s snapped roughly 700 people since 2018 in what he calls “London Secret Corners”—was easy. On Airbnb’s site, almost all his rivals showcased their prowess shooting svelte, young tourists posing beside, inside, pressed lasciviously up against, or practically on top of that ultimate London cliché: a red telephone booth. I didn’t want trite photos. Nor did I want to scale hard metal structures or make love to a telecommunications icon. Hadi’s work was moody, shadowy enough (it seemed) to hide flaws. Also, his fee was among the highest. Quality costs, right?

I should mention: As a middle-aged workaholic who eats too much cheesy toast, I’m almost as photogenic as a blob. I’m also as vain as Marie Antoinette. This tricky combination has left me camera-shy and, one would think, unlikely to spend $238 to hire a former war photographer to subject me to an hour of attempted blob flattery. But hope springs eternal and, though I’d visited London repeatedly, I’d surely missed its most secret corners.

A GRIPPING EXPERIENCE From left: As directed by his photographer/guide, Hadi Yazdani, the author clasps his jacket roguishly in Watling Street; a look down Watling Street, which culminates in a lesser-seen view of St. Paul’s Cathedral. Hadi Yazdani; Alamy Photo

Our session began badly. We were to meet near the Bank station in the City, London’s hectic financial district. I got lost and arrived late, harried and sweaty. But Hadi, identifiable by his giant white camera, beamed as if he were starving and I were the planet’s most delectable cupcake. “Greeting your clients is so important,” he later said. “I always tell myself I’m going to meet one of the most exciting people in the world. Iranian people consider our guests as our god.”

Encouraged by his enthusiasm, I vowed to do anything he asked, however discomfiting. Our first secret corner—Watling Street, an ancient lane culminating in a glimpse of St. Paul’s Cathedral—put this to the test. Hadi propped me against a pub and cheerfully urged me to force my body into an inhumane position—my torso torqued one way, my hips another—that he swore would look “natural” on film. “Grip the opening of your jacket,” he cooed. “Near the collar! Now with both hands. Perfect!” I’ve never spontaneously gripped a coat in this would-be suave way because I am not a Sears catalog model circa 1973.

“For photography, everything has to be exaggerated,” Hadi explained as we walked to our next location. “If you are not uncomfortable or in pain, you are not doing it right.” After my near-death “nerd descending a staircase” experience at the Royal Exchange, he led me to St. Michael’s Alley, a dusky walkway where London’s first coffeehouse reputedly flourished. Although diarist Samuel Pepys sipped there in 1660, and discovered “much pleasure in it, through the diversity of company and discourse,” we found the alley deserted and discourse-less. “It’s quiet, it’s lovely and it’s old,” said Hadi of this choice. “People feel more relaxed in quiet spots.”

Here, after an outfit switch, I was coached to fake-walk attractively. With painful diplomacy, Hadi suggested we try some shots with my sweater open, because “it will make you look less…less…less…how shall I say…fat.” Next, he sat me on the adjacent St. Michael’s Church’s steps, above which a bas-relief sculpture depicts the sword-wielding saint in what’s been called “a dispute with Satan.” Below this tense confrontation, I struggled to relax as Hadi had me jut my chin way out, like a turtle emerging from its shell, to affect a Dick-Tracy-like jawline. Try this for 10 minutes, while contorting three out of four limbs. You’ll feel faint.

CALM WITHIN THE STORM From left: An oasis in London’s frenetic financial center, St. Dunstan-in-the-East Church Garden offered a serene setting in which the author could twist his head aggressively to simulate a jawline; another shot of the garden. Hadi Yazdani; Alamy Photo

Hadi told me his subjects have included everyone from influencers to newly betrothed couples to “CEOs, diplomats, Google executives,” sent by their PR teams. Not all take pains to appear photogenic. “Some want to look ugly or casual or crazy,” he said. “They do crazy things like jump or yell at passersby to get reactions.” He deemed me, by comparison, “actually really cooperative.”

Our tour wound up with stops in a legitimately secret spot called St. Dunstan-in-the-East Church Garden where Hadi positioned me just so to create “Rembrandt lighting”; the vast, 19th century Leadenhall Market, home to cheesemongers and florists, through which Harry Potter and Hagrid once strolled on-screen; and a riverside promenade overlooking Tower Bridge. “How is this massive tourist attraction a secret?” I asked.

“What I bring to it is the angle and the light,” said Hadi happily. “Now….twist your head—no, harder!” Then, directing me to focus on the famous pointy skyscraper across the Thames, he hollered: “Look at the Shard! Look at the Shard!”

And, indeed, once back in Brooklyn reviewing the 25 shots I’d picked to be retouched, I saw that Hadi had brilliantly captured me beside the Tower Bridge as if my sunlit hair were some celestial being that had just happened to alight on my head. The other photos betrayed zero evidence of the uncomfortable torquing, jutting, contorting and fake-walking-while-sightseeing I’d obediently endured. I looked…how shall I say…good.

If you’re interested arranging your own photo shoot, explore Airbnb Experiences London offerings, including Hadi Yazdani’s “Photoshoot in London Secret Corners” tour.