“A few weeks after filming, my father died suddenly” | Victim/Suspect Directed by Nancy Schwartzman

Every production faces unexpected obstacles that require creative solutions and conceptual rethinking. What was an unforeseen obstacle, crisis or just an unpredictable event that you had to react to, and how did that event affect or make you rethink your film?

A few weeks after filming began Victim/Suspect, my father died suddenly. My whole world came crashing down around me and I felt like my soul had left my body.

Thirteen days after my father’s death, I flew to the location and filmed a key interview with one of our amazing participants. Through intimate vérité, we captured the legal defense team working on her case and the emotional moments with her family before and after the trial. Shooting in those immediate days was a balm. I gave everything to the moment, lost myself and my own pain in the interview, the family scene and the emotional arc of the story. But the “in-between” moments—waiting for the rain to pass or setting up the camera—were unbearable. After the sudden death of my father, the conceptual rethinking of this project was how am I going to survive this process?

As documentary filmmakers, it’s our job to be open, present, and receptive. To lose ourselves in others, to immerse ourselves in their truths and stories, and to expand and hold space for the whole picture. Yet grief overwhelmed me and clouded my capacity for logistical details, dates and time zones, and rigorous production. I lost sleep. I lost my appetite. I had to be judicious with my attention so I could attend to the raw emotions unfolding and stay open to the bigger picture of how the storylines would hold together. We had over a dozen shots planned to capture Ray chasing leads and meeting with experts, colleagues, victims, families and cops. I am incredibly grateful to the amazing team at Victim/Suspect who supported me as we made this film.

In this era of collective grief, we all carry losses, fears and disappointments as we make our films. Documentary filmmakers choose to bear witness to others, to get up close and immersed in their lives and relationships while melting into the background. But there is no “objectivity” – we bring ourselves and our humanity into the room.

Filming after a personal loss helped me crystallize what was at the heart of the story. Losing my own father made me more attuned to father-daughter relationships Victim/Suspect. The anger I felt at my sudden, life-changing loss helped me understand how to manage the anger provoked by police questioning. I discovered my passion by capturing Ray’s unstoppable fight for the truth. Knowing that her work could bring some degree of justice was the higher purpose and the light that guided us all to the finish line.