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RNZ broadcaster Susie Ferguson has spoken candidly about the toll her six-year stint as a war correspondent took on her mental health in a new interview, saying it changed “every cell in [her] body”.
Susie Ferguson says she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and moderate to severe depression after her years reporting from war zones.
picture: Josh Couch
Ferguson, who will step down as host of Morning Report next month, revealed that she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety and moderate to severe depression while covering the Iraq War and other major conflicts and natural disasters.
Ferguson’s revelations came in the latest episode of re_covering, a Media Chaplaincy New Zealand podcast produced for RNZ featuring leading Kiwi journalists discussing the stories that have shaped their careers, personally and professionally.
In the interview, Ferguson reflects on the personal impact her deployment to Iraq in 2003 as a 25-year-old member of the British Forces Broadcasting Service had on her.
“I don’t think you’re ever prepared until you’re there. And when the shoot starts, there it is – this is your preparation,” she said re_cover host and media chaplain Rev. Frank Ritchie.
It wasn’t long before reporting from a war zone took a toll on Ferguson’s mental health. After months, a colleague noticed that her behavior was out of character – “a very nice way of saying I’m self-destructive” – and urged her to seek professional help.
On the advice of a psychiatrist, she went through periods of less work in an attempt to cope with the psychological effects of being on the front lines of the conflict. But she couldn’t protect herself from all the stresses of war, which she says changed “every cell in [her] body”.
“It changed my stress response, and I think my stress response never really got back to the balance it had before,” Ferguson explained.
“I’ve become incredibly good at dealing with high-stress situations, like bombs falling around you or whatever – I can keep talking, I can keep going, I’m absolutely fine and completely in control.
“But then if I’m in my car, stuck in traffic and I’m late for a meeting, I’d start crying. I just couldn’t handle the normal stress.’
Ferguson said incidents like this had become the norm over what had been a “pretty rough” few years.
But coupled with her waning ability to cope with normal life, her self-described “superpower” of staying calm in the face of disaster has allowed her to continue reporting on scenes of destruction and desolation.
Interspersed with her coverage of the Iraq War, Ferguson was deployed to Afghanistan and Sierra Leone and was on the ground in the days following the devastating Kashmir earthquake and Boxing Day 2005 tsunami.
In these conditions, she thrived – but when she returned home, it was a different story.
“The world of Iraq, Afghanistan and Sierra Leone didn’t become a very happy place, because that sounds really screwed up, but they didn’t stress me out,” Ferguson said.
“Normal life was stressing me out. When you get home and have to deal with everyday life, things start to get messy. That’s what I couldn’t deal with.
“You lose perspective on meaning and what matters. When you get so used to living at 90 km/h and you have to go back to 40 km/h, everything seems pointless – what do I do [and] why do I bother?”
Ferguson would eventually be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and moderate to severe depression. But with the support of friends, colleagues and her “amazing partner” Lee, she had the help she needed to get through it and keep telling the stories that matter.
Now more than a decade after that period in her life, Ferguson uses what she learned as a war correspondent to encourage young journalists to seek help when covering traumatic news events.
“I remember talking to some of my colleagues, some pretty young reporters who had been thrown in to cover the aftermath of the Christchurch shooting, and I said, ‘Just book an appointment for an EAP consultation.’
“Maybe you don’t think you need it—maybe you don’t, and I hope you don’t—but you might just need it. So even if you agree and feel completely pointless, just just go go and see.”
In the rest of the extensive interview with re_coverFerguson talks to Richie about her decision to leave Morning report after eight years of work and her podcast The Unthinkable, which won awards at the New York Festivals, about what it’s like to lose a baby.
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