Romantic movies are among the most produced movie genres in the world on all platforms. They induce feel-good emotions with a twist of drama which makes them a perfect combination for anyone looking for a temporary sweet escape. Romantic love has been an element that is glorified and endlessly romanticized to the point where almost everyone is desperately waiting for their share of the cake too. Yet, romantic movies, at the end of the day, are simply movies, carefully written, with gorgeous and charming characters, beautiful scenery, and an exciting plot to get the viewer invested in what is a fantasy.
Something dangerous happens when people use romantic movies and works of fiction and apply them as a complete reference for their real lives. Movies and life have a cyclical nature. Movies are inspired by the world around them and then have the ability to shape the reality of the viewers that perceive them. 2023 has released two films that have tackled the complex nature of romance, You Hurt My Feelings and Past Lives, and both are informed by generations of romance films that have had impacts on viewers. This is how romance movies can affect how audiences perceive love.
It’s Not Always Realistic
Romantic films are not always realistic, and they are that way for a reason. They are crafted to give the viewer an experience they are very much craving in their personal lives. These are often promises of a happy ending, love confessions that will stop you dead in your tracks, dreamy and utopian scenes that will touch your heart, and gorgeous characters who are infinitely charming.
String together all these elements, and one has an idyllic setting that will suck the viewer in. A taste of romance that is all too perfect but far from the messiness of real life. Movies don’t show you couples who are tired and rushing to work, or who are facing tension because of their finances, or because it’s real and predictable and the opposite of what we want to be reminded of. Because of the nature of films, romance movies can only show a snapshot and have to gloss over many elements, both good and bad.
Toxic Behavior Is Rationalized
There have been multiple films that feature grand sweeping romantic gestures, from chasing someone down to an airport to profess one’s love or showing up at their door unannounced to declare one’s love. Romantic movies often feature these big scenes to show someone’s emotional love is just too much to contain. Yet this also has the effect of rationalizing and normalizing troubling behavior.
From Edward Cullen “protecting” Bella in the Twilight films to Peter Parker following Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, this behavior is excused in the name of love for a person. Romance movies can play rather creepy obsessive behavior off as romantic, typically excusing it if the person doing the act is good-looking enough.
The Cultivation and Modeling Theory
Individuals who may be in relationships may be aware of the complexity of relationships and their many facets. However, individuals who don’t have much experience in romance might take romantic films at face value and use them as material to learn from. This can tend to happen with younger viewers, who are often experiencing these feelings for the first time.
Being affected by movies to a certain degree has become inevitable because we are now living in a highly technological world with constructed pieces of media that imitate the way we live to a high degree, making them highly relatable, even if not entirely credible. Any piece of media, if directed long enough to the same audience for a long period of time repeatedly, has the potential to alter perception and skew expectations, and trigger certain emotions. According to the cultivation theory, which was developed by Gerbner & Gross in 1976, assembled media pieces curate and play a direct role in the beliefs and principles that viewers develop over time because of their familiar elements. In the case of romantic movies, individuals collect cues on intimacy and romantic gratifications through vivid imagery and characters that feel so real.
Disappointment
Still, romance films have unfortunately led many people to feel disappointed in their pursuit of love or their experience of it because of comparison. They are disappointed when their partners do not act a certain way or when the love story does not play out like a movie. Musical artists from Katy Perry to The Postal Service all have songs where they liken romantic relationships to popular films.
While many would love to find someone who treats them right and who they strongly feel for, movies exaggerate aspects that almost always backfires in the real life of avid romantic movie fans. Some of these aspects are people who feel like soul mates without any effort needed, placing too much value on problems always being external and not internal between both parties, reading each other’s mind, and impeccable sexual chemistry right off the bat. Psychologists often warn individuals of this and any couple who has been in a long-term relationship who has experienced the full spectrum of the ebb and flow of being in an intimate relationship with all its demands and navigations.
On that account, people going in for the romantic experience ideally should see it for what it is, a cinematic experience that is enjoyable for the two hours it lasts but is not something to follow and expect religiously. It’s important to remember that each person’s relationship is different and that if someone wants to manage their expectations and deepen their understanding of love and how to maintain it, there are better references than movies that are far more trustworthy and credible.