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Oprah Winfrey has an incredible talent for connecting with others. With over 37,000 interviews over the course of her five-decade career, she never failed to form quick bonds with everyone she met. It was a vehicle for honest, if not raw, conversations where people opened up to share their personal stories, thoughts and ideas with Oprah—and the world.
Oprah’s ability to connect may be priceless, but for anyone in business, having such a skill is worth millions.
The ability to quickly make connections and build relationships is a key skill in business. The degree to which we have perfected this skill is an indicator of our likelihood of success in many situations in life. This is true in our personal lives and also in cases like a manager making a promotion decision or an angel investor making a funding decision.
The good news is that it doesn’t mean you’re doomed if you lack that effortless charisma that some, like Oprah, seem to have. Because there’s something else Oprah has that can help anyone quickly connect with anyone: the “talk show trifecta.” It includes three extremely subtle tricks that anyone can use to break down psychological walls and build strong relationships.
Even with Oprah’s charismatic nature reflecting a cathartic vulnerability, she has never stopped using the “talk show trifecta” to build rapport with everyone she interviews. The result is that she connects faster, more deeply and more effectively with everyone she talks to. And anyone can use them.
1. Reduce personal barriers by removing physical barriers
You’ll notice that there’s one thing missing from every Oprah interview: a barrier between her and her guest. Whether she has a guest on set or visits their home (where many interviews are filmed), she never puts physical barriers, such as a table, between herself and the person she’s talking to.
While this may seem like a trivial detail, it has a big subconscious impact. What we may not realize is that subconsciously having a physical barrier separating two people creates a psychological divide and makes people more guarded with each other. Remove the object and you will effectively help remove their unconscious guardians.
The result is that people are more open, interviewees shine candidly, and Oprah connects with her guests by helping them connect with her audience of millions.
2. Build a relationship through Platonic Touch
Talk show hosts almost always greet their guests with a handshake or even a quick hug. But Oprah is known for her habit of using plenty of platonic touches in her segments. It is through her many friendly (if not motherly) touchpoints that she helps break down barriers and build bonds.
Psychologically, physical touch is very powerful, according to the Greater Good Science Center in Berkeley. That’s because there’s a lot of information our subconscious receives from something as simple as physical touch, including a simple handshake, says the American Psychological Association. Even a pat on the back or a high five can have a positive psychological effect on us.
Note that this is not easy and there should be zero chance of your touch being considered anything other than platonic. Oprah has a tendency to touch guests a few times during interviews, but it helps that she’s Oprah on camera too. There is little or no chance that her touches will be taken as anything but friendly. So while physical touch is very strong, limit it.
3. Give the other person your undivided attention
People are so distracted these days that it’s becoming increasingly rare to get someone’s full attention. When we do, we feel as if we are heard, understood and appreciated. And when we have someone who is fully engaged, most will jump at the opportunity to be fully engaged as well.
Oprah is a master at the art of active listening – a key leadership skill – and this is one of the techniques that helps her build relationships very quickly. No matter who she’s interviewing, she always acts like they’re the only people in the world. She maintains strong eye contact, faces the person and leans in in conversation.
By giving the other person their full attention, it makes them feel heard, and more importantly, it makes them feel like what they have to say matters. In return, this makes them speak more openly.
Of course, building strong relationships is easier said than done. But it’s also easier than many think. Although our nerves can be our worst enemy, everyone is thinking the same thing. In fact, Oprah says that everyone she interviews—including Beyoncé—asks the same three-word question. We all have reservations (if not fears) that can consume us when meeting new people, but if we can remove the physical and psychological barriers and be fully engaged, we can quickly build strong relationships, just like Oprah.
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