Matt Hancock turns into Alan Partridge

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Matt Hancock turns into Alan Partridge
Matt Hancock turns into Alan Partridge


Ahead of Sunday’s final, Coladangelo confessed: “I thought Matt was leaving every day, so I’m pleasantly surprised he’s made it this far.” When he left in third place, she was there to greet him. “You look amazing,” gushed Hancock. “I love you so much. So sorry it’s been this long. It’s going to be great from here on in.” “You don’t know what lies ahead,” she replied. A political comeback? A media career? Either way, it will presumably involve less eating of animal anuses and fewer toads sitting atop his head.

“When I was being grilled, I felt like people were asking questions on behalf of the British public,” said Hancock. “I knew going in would be controversial but I also know millions of people have voted for me.” Stat-wise, he received 21.72 per cent of the 12m votes cast, which means 2.6m. Although with viewers able to vote five times apiece, that might be nearer 520,000. As Coladangelo cringed, he broke into a tuneless rendition of Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” and asked if he “looked cool doing the Terminator walk”. Just when he’s redeemed himself, Hancock turns into Alan Partridge again.

Winner Jill Scott was welcomed by her partner Shelly Unitt. The newly crowned Queen Of The Jungle craved coffee so badly, she asked her driver to stop off en route to her hotel. “In a gold stretch Hummer with a flat white and an egg, bacon and cheese muffin,” Scott beamed. Life couldn’t get any better.”

What else did we learn? Well, the celebrities leave the jungle smelling of campfires and fish guts. Scarlette Douglas eats croissants in the bath. Owen Warner eats anything, anywhere. And the production is contractually obliged to sneak in clumsy plugs for the JW Marriott Gold Coast Resort & Spa.

At the wrap party, Cleaver presented Tindall with a pair of tight underpants, as in their campfire song, emblazoned with “Nibble my nuts” – a reference to ripping his trousers in front of mother-in-law Princess Anne. In return, he vowed to buy everyone some souvenir budgie smugglers.

Sunday’s series climax was the franchise’s most-watched final in four years, peaking at 11.5m viewers – the biggest audience for an entertainment show this year. This epilogue won’t hit those heights but it served as both a behind-the-scenes tour and a merry skip through the highlights. “Let’s go and get drunk!” concluded Scott. It seemed as sensible a sign-off as any.


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