How adoption affected the emotional health of a person who gave up their baby – Houston Public Media

Warning: this interview describes instances of physical and sexual abuse that may upset some readers.

As clinics in Texas stop performing abortions, more people with unwanted pregnancies will face limited choices: raise the baby in often difficult circumstances or give the child up for adoption.

Houston public health reporter Sarah Willa Ernst spoke with Conroe resident Bonnie Radavich, who faced this decision when she was 16 years old.

Listen to or read the interview below, edited for length and clarity.

You live in the Houston area now, but 28 years ago you were a teenager in North Idaho. What was life like for you then?

My parents divorced when I was 13. My mother didn’t want to be a mother anymore. And my father was out of control and he would come home and hit his family. So, I didn’t trust my parents and tried my best to get out of living with either of them as quickly as possible.

Another thing I learned about you is that you were a rape survivor. The rapist was later convicted, but the assaults got you pregnant at 16. You were a child then. who did you turn to Did you have anyone to go to for support?

I didn’t have—yeah, I really didn’t have much support.

So when I approached my father and told him about what had happened. He was standing in the room when I told him, he crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Don’t you think you pushed him?” And I couldn’t believe it. There was no kind of “are you okay?” There was nothing comforting coming out of him in this whole situation.

My father was a man of very strong religious faith and the woman was always to blame. If you’re wearing something that can make a man think something sexual about you, then you’ve been making him wrong. He had such an opinion about women.

Have you ever considered an abortion?

My parents were not interested in abortion as an option for me. I knew that if I told my father I wanted an abortion he would laugh at me and look at me strangely and say, you know, “why on earth would you want something like that?” There was really no personal choice to be had for me, was my feeling about it.

Rowe was in place, but abortion was simply not available to you. So you’ve reached out to a couple in your church who’s been having trouble conceiving. Finally, they adopted the child. How did you make that decision?

Not that I didn’t want it. I really wanted to have the ability to give him something that at 16 I couldn’t. I didn’t turn it down because it gave me great pleasure or because I just didn’t want the responsibility. It was because I knew at that point in my life that there was no way I could give him the love I would want for him.

Love without food won’t cut it. Love without it won’t cut it. You can’t say, “Well, hey, honey, I love you. But I have no one to take care of you. So stay tuned for a few hours while I go to work.

I wanted him to have options. I didn’t want him to eat food from the grocery container like I did. And I didn’t want to leave that as a reality for my child. I mean, what am I going to invite you to? What future can I give you?

I want to know how your pregnancy has affected your life even after you’ve had your baby. You left Idaho, eventually moving thousands of miles away to Texas. Is that something that has stuck with you over the years? How did it affect you?

I spent a lot of time feeling this loss emotionally. Even today, there are times when I… there are times when I hear a little child crying in a grocery store and I have to put my shopping down and leave in a real hurry so people don’t see me crying because that reminds me of my own emptiness. Even though I know my son is grown and I know he is a healthy adult, young adult. I still hurt so much for this little baby who will never come back. It doesn’t go away.

We’re talking right now at a really specific moment, a historical moment. How does it feel for you? Rowe to be aborted, like someone who has had not just one unwanted pregnancy, but actually two? The other was when she was about 27 and the baby’s father had left.

I had an abortion because I was unable financially or otherwise to raise a baby on my own. And I never, ever felt bad about it. I have no emotional problems from it.

So, having stood on both sides of that fence, my experience with Roe v. Wade being taken away from women is that (people who haven’t had an unwanted pregnancy are), generally speaking, men and women who have never had to stand any actual experience and deal with the isolation it creates for you for the rest of your life. And that made me feel angry.

We talk about your second pregnancy and how there really aren’t any negative feelings about choosing to have an abortion. However, your first pregnancy was a really difficult situation. You were a teenager without emotional and not much financial support. When we talk about this pregnancy, we are talking about a real person right now – an adult living his life. But when you think back to that situation where abortion wasn’t available to you, if it was, do you think the choices you would have made would have been different? Do you think your life trajectory would have been different?

yes I would almost say yes and no but I think yes. If I had, for example, a person who was more – if that was an option, and I had someone who said, “Listen, this is going to be the best choice for you and here’s why” or even who said “you can make whatever choice you want , but I’ll support you in whatever choice you make,” then I think I would have been able to make a choice that somehow wouldn’t have crippled my life too much.